Cricketing Deviants

Cricket could probably do with fewer statistics. A cricketing scoreboard is a gigantic mess of numbers and tables, and even the famously beautiful Adelaide Oval scoreboard is completely impenetrable to the outsider.

This will sadly be the last appearance of Michael Carberry’s name in this post on the greatest test batsmen of all time

While simplifying the plethora of numbers that come with a cricket match is a sensible goal, this blog post is going to do the opposite. Sorry. Instead of making this game more accessible we’re going to add a few more numbers.

Cricketing batsmen are usually compared by their Average, the number of runs scored per dismissal. By this metric Donald Bradman is the best batsman to have ever lived. However in science it’s poor form to express an average without a confidence interval, so I’ve calculated the standard deviation for the the top 200 highest scoring batsmen of all time and ranked them.

It was too much effort to plot such a large amount of data on WordPress in a visually satisfying way so I’ve hosted the data over on github. However github was tricky to set comments up for so come on over back to here to argue it out.

Click here to view the numbers.

45 Minutes of Disenchantment

Here are some quick thoughts after watching the first 45 minutes (i.e. an episode and a half) of Disenchantment, Matt Groening’s new Netflix show. The protagonist is Princess Bean.

  • The action in the bar-brawl scene Bean was introduced in felt stilted and uncomfortable. Was it supposed to be slapstick and funny, was it supposed to show her as headstrong and sharp? It kinda tried both and failed to be either as a result, it was unfunny (because it wasn’t slapstick enough) but showed her as kinda dumb and clumsy (because it was kinda slapstick). However we know her not to be dumb and clumsy because in the set-up to her introduction, which takes place off-camera, she overpowers and outsmarts several guards. The guards go as far as to  request to be sent on crusade instead of having to guard her anymore. An unfunny, conflicted opener to your protagonist seems like a terrible, terrible idea in writing a comedy TV show.


  • Bean’s mum and dad are thinly veiled satires of Donald and Melania Trump. Okay funny, but the rest of the show isn’t a satire of modern American politics, so why are they? It kind of throws the otherwise reasonably believable medieval/fantasy world by having it ruled over by a brash New Yorker and a (badly misogynistically  written) disinterested Slavic wife. Also does this mean that Bean is Ivanka? What’s going on here?


  • Keeping with misogyny, this feels like a show about a woman written by a team of only men (spoiler alert, it is). In 45 minutes Bean shares the screen with only two women, one is an idiot lady-in-waiting and the other is the aforementioned Melania-squid lady. Bean has deliberately meaningless or pointless conversations with both. She later goes on to explicitly say that she has no female friends — freeing the male writers from having to imagine what two women might talk about without a man being there. A female character who is unable/not shown to be able to speak to 50% of the population is not a fully formed or remotely believable character. If you can’t believe a character, you can’t find anything that happens around them/to them/by them funny. Male jokes coming out of Manic Pixie Dreamgirl Character mouths don’t really do it anymore.
  • Hang on I just remember there’s a third female character Bean speaks to, it’s a prostitute.


  • The character of Luci(fer) is a mess. He appears and tells Bean that he’s there to encourage her to do bad things. So basically he’s Bender to Bean’s Fry, but instead of being his own character, which makes his actions unpredictable and interesting, we’re explicitly told that the whole purpose of him is to encourage her to do self destructive things, regardless of their merits, and is therefore incredibly boring as uninteresting. We know that he’ll always suggest bad things because that’s what he does, not because he has any higher motive. Dull Dull Dull. He gets a few good lines but they’re wasted because we don’t care about him. Also (being reeeaally picky here) but if your only black actor (out of a cast of 18) is literally a devil: I dunno it doesn’t look good.


  • Elfo — what motivates this guy, it changes every 5 seconds. And not in a way that reveals that he’s a complex conflicted character, but in a way that suggests that the writers haven’t decided what they’re doing with him yet, which is a pretty major failing in one of the central 3 characters. Also there’s strains of Incel-being-played-for-laughs to his character which I hope get dropped from the rest of the series. There’s an explicit joke about the Friend Zone, it’s 2018 for crying out loud.


  • We can sum up this show by way of reference to Prince Merkimer. He’s the persistent sissy husband-to-be/pursuer, which is a character that has been done so, so often, ESPECIALLY in the medieval context (Shreks 1 & 2, Frozen, Brave and Robin Hood, immediately spring to mind) so for the love of god you’ve got to try a bit with it to make it kinda interesting. As it is, he’s probably one of the better characters in the series so far, but still much less interesting/funny than either baddies from Shrek or the guy from Frozen. To stress my point here: notoriously fluffy films for children have substantially deeper characters than Disenchanted. The problem with Disenchanted is that by being allowed to take a traditional children’s’ setting and use adult jokes and depictions of violence, they spend so much time making jokes about masturbating elves and getting women topless (what the fuck was that scene about anyway) that they don’t’ have any time to make the audience care about the characters.


  • Things I liked:
    • Always good to hear Matt Berry’s voice.
    • The Simpsons/Futurama staple of a situational gag that stands alone from the rest of the episode (think: Sideshow bob and the rakes) is there in utter abundance. The trumpet/portcullis/kazoo bit had me laughing out-loud.


Atrociously poorly written characters undermine great comedy moments. Really sad proof that you can make great jokes but if the characters are flimsy and unbelievable (Bean), Out-of-Context (her parents), unclear (Elfo) or just downright uninteresting (Luci) then they just don’t make you laugh.

Theatre of 2018

Following on from my wildly successful Theatre of 2017 post, here is my Theatre of 2018 review.

Fun Home | Young Vic | Alison Bechdel | Holy shit I cried and cried and cried and cried and cried. Strong contender for best thing I’m going to see in 2018. The way they do the scene where you see Alison’s house from an outsiders perspective was a phenomenal trick of theatre. All the solo pieces were incredible. Am probably going to start crying again if I think too much about it to write the review

Heathers the Musical | The Other Palace | Okay so it gutted the darkness of the film by basically retelling Mean Girls but with camp violence, but the songs were good and The Other Palace is a great theatre

Machinal | Natalie Abrahami | Almedia | This was advertised by the theatre as “if you liked the writer, you’ll like this”. I liked this much less than The Writer. Really incredible staging but their whole “these are timeless issues that women face” metaphor by changing the era of each scene made it hard to get a grip on the characters.

The Book of Mormon | Generic Massive West End Theatre | Silly, quite funny satire on white Saviour narratives. Was humming the songs for days.

The Writer | Blanche McIntyre | Almedia | Simply brilliant.  Some of the experimental stuff was a bit… Experimental but whatever, was amazing. Would watch again and again.

Summer and Smoke | Tennessee Williams | Almeida Theatre | Really, really great. Enjoyed this much more than last year’s Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Completely minimal staging, entire backdrop consited of 6 opened upright pianos which were also used for great effect audibly. Got year off to a great start.

Julius Ceaser | Shakespeare |The Bridge Theatre | We got standing tickets to this super cool production in-the-round. Really exciting, probably best Shakespeare production I’ve ever seen.

I, Tonya & Lady Bird

Last week I saw I, Tonya and Lady Bird at the Walthamstow Empire, which is fast becoming one of my favourite cinemas.


Both Oscar nominated (with ITonya deservedly winning”Best Actress in a Supporting Role”) both films build their stories around the relationship between a working class young American woman and her mother, and the young woman struggling to fit into an elite world. One of them also involves a lot of ice skating.

I, Tonya‘s skittish pace and editing meant it felt shorter despite being nearly half an hour longer. Its opening disclaimer – that it was based on a true story, but one we don’t really know the truth about – efficiently set up the mood for the compelling 2 hour journey into Tonya Harding’s career. I felt slightly uncomfortable that perhaps the class snobbery and domestic violence – oppressively strong themes throughout the film – were being played for entertainment however ultimately I felt that I, Tonya is an unashamedly entertaining film that features domestic violence and classism, and trusts the audience enough to let them understand that. After watching the film, I immediately devoured the New York Times interview with Harding and recommended you do too.

Lady Bird was a deeply hilarious and affecting comedy about growing up. The film opens with mother and daughter listening to the closing lines of Grapes of Wrath, foreshadowing the films two major themes: A poor woman giving everything she has to care for other people, and a portrait of California outside the common LA/San Francisco stereotypes. The poignancy of Marion and “Lady Bird”‘s shared moment of emotion at the end of the Steinbeck audio book quickly gives way as a fight over not-a-lot breaks out between the two of them, resulting in a comedically juvenile car bailing that results in Lady Bird wearing a bright pink cast for the rest of act one. Lady Bird derives most of its emotion and almost all of it’s comedy from this excellent distillation of the teenage tendency to break into childish fights at the drop of a hat. Saoirse Ronan performance was physically and emotionally brilliant and practically every joke and emotional trap laid in the script worked perfectly. Timothée Chalamet’s pretentious douchebag teen boy was a particuarly cringe inducing mirror on myself at that age (although I wish I was that cool).

The fact that neither of these films won more/higher prestige Oscars mean I really need to see The Shape of Water and 3 Billboards ASAP.


Last year, Alice Glass released a statement on her website detailing the extensive abuse she suffered her from Crystal Castles band mate Ethan Kath over the course of the band’s history, starting when she was 15.

I was a devoted Crystal Castles fan as a teenager, and reading her statement made me feel guiltily complicit in a a horribly detached way. It’s with this background that CEASE AND DESIST, Glass’s first single since going public about Kath, was released.

The performance of Praying by Kesha at the Emmys was used as the night’s unofficial anthem for #metoo. Kesha’s song is similar to Glass’s – imagine saying that in any context in 2009 – in that it’s a musical ode to surviving abuse directed squarely at the abuser (in Kesha’s case, ‘Dr’ Luke Gottwald)  from as public a stage as possible. With just the track’s title, Glass rips into Kath’s response to her blog post, turning the name of the legal letter his lawyers sent her into both a challenge to abusers, and a rallying cry to other victims. The main refrain of the song, ‘promise me, you’re never the victim’ tearing it’s way out of the pounding industrial beat resolutely rejects Kath’s threats.

In her revelations about Kath, Glass highlighted how he used the creative process as a form of abuse and control. She highlights one of their breakout singles Alice Practice, where Kath branded her performances as low quality or imperfect, “intentionally diminishing my role in its creation. It was another way of putting me down and preying on my insecurities.”  While CEASE AND DESIST isn’t Glass’s most novel piece of work, it’s the sound of a freed artist wresting back control of her art and her narrative with a terrifying barrage of drums combined with her piercing signature vocals, and succeeding.

To Boldly Bazinga

In many of the more relaxed civilizations on the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy, the Hitchhiker’s Guide has already supplanted the great Encyclopaedia Galactica as the standard repository of all knowledge and wisdom, for though it has many omissions and contains much that is apocryphal, or at least wildly inaccurate, it scores over the older, more pedestrian work in two important respects.

First, it is slightly cheaper; and secondly it has the words DON’T PANIC inscribed in large friendly letters on its cover.

— The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy

In their now deleted review on twitter of Ernst Cline’s breakout debut novel Ready Player One, @donniemnemonic introduced me to the phrase “Bazinga-ass shit”. Ready Player One is a pacy thriller with lots of suspense, action, and terribly written female characters. It also aggressively name drops all nerd counterculture produced between 1978 and 1992, like Stranger Things but without the charm. Bazinga, the catchphrase of Big Bang Theory‘s Sheldon Cooper, is synonymous online with all that is wrong with nerd subculture. Sheldon is a physics postdoc emotionally stunted to the point of open hostility who derives his sense of self from being superior in knowledge to everyone else, be that in science, or nerd counterculture. Bazinga is often Sheldon’s victory cry when scoring a petty point against someone who didn’t even realise they were being challenged. By referring to Ready Player One as Bazinga-ass shit, @donniemnemonic suggests that the book is only popular amongst nerds because of the sense of satisfaction they get from already knowing whatever fact just got mentioned. According to the Bazinga-ass shit assessment, the success of Ready Player One is therefore a damning indication of the unwelcoming and elitist environment that pervades nerd culture. Its a wonderful phrase and, although I suspect its perhaps a little harsh on Ready Player One, Bazinga-ass shit has become my go to label for things that are nerdy in an exclusionary way.

The irony of requiring a paragraph to explain, via multiple cultural references, that Bazinga-ass shit means that nerd subculture can be arcane and exclusionary is not lost on me, but now we’ve established what it means I would like to point the phrase at an unrequited frenemy: the maiden voyage of the Falcon Heavy was some Bazinga-ass shit.

The shortest of recaps. Elon Musk built a spaceship that could be relaunched, he built an even bigger space ship by strapping three of those other space ships together. This new space ship is the biggest ever space ship since the ones the USA and the USSR build to go to the moon. On the 6th February 2018, Musk & SpaceX successfully pulled off the test launch and he did it by greatly increasing the mileage on his 10 year old sports car.

SpaceX has been a vehicle for knowing nerd jokes it’s entire 16 year history, and the maiden voyage was an absolute feast of them:

  • The rocket is named after Han Solo’s craft in Star Wars
  • Harrison Ford was literally there to witness the flight as Musk’s guest
  • It launched from LC-39a, the site of the Saturn V first flight, and the launch of Apollo 11, and the first flight of the space shuttle
  • Musk retweeted a Guardians of the Galaxy vol 2 reference at the start of computerised countdown
  • The main core stage was supposed to land on (and eventually wound up severely damaging) the drone ship Of Course I Still Love You, named after a ship in The Player of Games by Ian M. Banks
  • The fairing deployment was accompanied by Starman by David Bowie, on full blast
  • The Satnav of the Musk’s Tesla (named after a nerd anti-hero, who was played by Bowie in The Prestige) has been replaced with a panel that has DON’T PANIC, inscribed in large friendly letters.

“And so what?” you may rightly ask. SpaceX only exists because Elon Musk can convince people to invest in him and part of his investor appeal is this Geek God image that he’s carefully cultivated over the last two decades. The arcane exclusionary elements of nerd/geek subculture are in part deliberate. Geeks and Freaks often fail to conform to social norms, and frequently suffer for it. Therefore the elitist behavior of showing off that you know all the cool nerdy things that every nerd should know is a sort of gate-keeping mechanism to protect nerds from non-nerds who might hurt them, and allows Nerds to get one over the ignorant non-nerds using their primary strenght: their brains. Musk’s childhood conforms to the bullied geek who finds identity and success in science and nerd culture narrative to the letter so why not let him celebrate the counterculture he loves with the company he controls? If he wants to make one of the most important days in human space flight history an encyclopedia of Bazinga-ass shit, then surely it’s his look out.

Fine, I guess. As I allude to above, I kinda liked Ready Player One despite its Male Fantasy Fulfillment female characters and relentless wikipedia page quoting narative. I get all the in-jokes that Musk threw into the launch flight, and at the sight of “Don’t Panic” on the Sat Nav when the Fairings blew open, I’ll happily admit I laughed out loud, along with everyone else at SpaceX flight control.

Let’s go take a look at them shall we?



India’s mission to Mars this isn’t. I guess my problem with the Bazinga-ass shit of SpaceX is that when you make things exclusionary, you, uhhh, wind up attracting quite a narrow subset of people.

The crowd was shown only briefly during the entire launch, and I assume that’s because the live-stream director quickly realised that it consisted entirely of men with terrible facial hair and comfortable walking boots.  I was watching this at home, stroking my straggly beard, wearing my well worn timberlands and the whole thing bummed me out. Space becoming private enterprise is great if it opens up accesibility to the getting into orbit for people that aren’t nations or militaries. But if it only opens up accessibility for people who can sing the whole of the “Knights of the Round Table” song, then perhaps it’s time to panic.


Kadhim Shubber Markov Text Generator

Well, it’s Christmas so I’m taking on stupid self invented programming projects, much like last year with Selenabot. This year I’ve decided I’m going to create a Markov Text generator that recreates the work of a Young Kadhim Shubber (YKS).

I’ve decided to scrape all Kadhim’s work on Felix that’s available in non-PDF form (for now… if this becomes very easy perhaps I’ll try and automate PDF reading so we can even get his frozen hot-takes on world politics from 2008).

First order of the day is making a markov text parser and generator that work in python3. I forked an old python2 code I found on github into Markov_text3, which is a python3 module for generating Markov chains of text from a given source (saved as a .txt file).

Now we have Markov_text3, I need to get the source material. Having a quick look at Kadhim’s page on Felix ( he has around 140 articles online, although not all of them published under his name are written by him (he used to be editor and thus I guess uploaded other people’s stuff). It appears to be material from pages 6 & 7 (his later work) so I’ll scrape that material manually.

Mid-Jan Update: I got busy over the xmas holidays and this project fell by the wayside, the main problem was that I have completely forgotten how to use Beautiful Soup properly and thus couldn’t easily get a list of all the articles that Kadhim had written. This was stupid because I managed to get a Markov Generating script going quite nicely.


The Last Jedi

Contains Spoilers

One word Review: Lazy

9 Word Review: Lazy reliance on pantomime to cover a weak script

1,978 word Review: Lazy reliance on pantomime to cover a weak script became a staple of the Marvel Universe films since the first Avengers movie, and appears to be spreading through Disney’s other big franchises like syphilis through a nursing home. It is abundantly present in Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

The Last Jedi’s script is all over the shop: too many characters and too many half-hearted storylines. The cement that holds this mosaic of mediocrity together is panto japes, which is a shame because an economically written script with a few jokes thrown in for relief could’ve been doable with the story they presented, and would’ve been preferable to what we actually got given.

In moderation, playing for laughs works really well, especially when it stops the film from getting too bogged down into cliches of its own creation. Let’s take the example of the caretaker fish/bird/nun critters on the island. The quick, simple establishment of them having a matronly hostility to Rei and the conclusion of their arc as the comedy pin used to safely deflate the over-blown Lightsaber training montage was a great example of comic relief. The look of stoic loathing when Rei sends a boulder crashing into their wheelbarrow was a perfect resolution to the training montage that got carried away with silhouetted aerial shots and sweeping orchestral scores, fast becoming a piece of self parody. It was definitely Panto, but it was well executed and served a purpose. Compare these caretaker critters to the Porgs (pictured above), who were supposed to be set up as a comedy counterfoil to the now devastatingly solo sans-Solo Chewbacca. Instead, they have no clear purpose — not even to deliver a gag like the caretaker fish-nuns– and appear to exist purely to eat up large portions of the scant screentime alotted to Chewie, whilst preventing Chewie from eating one of their own.

Leaving Panto aside for one minute, the interplay between Chewie and the Porgs brings up a second major flaw that the script kept committing: too many characters. I don’t really understand why they bothered bringing Chewbacca into the script to so blatantly under use him. Chewie, logically, is one of the most interesting characters in this whole film: a lovable sidekick whose loyalties have proven unquestioningly true who is now left alone. The only short insight into his grief is when, upon opening Skywalkers’s door with a hairy paw, Luke asks “Where’s Han?” and the Wookie emits a particularly sad cry. Chewie is now reduced to semi-inexplicably playing taxi driver to one of the three protagonists, and the relationship between Chewbacca and Rei, which presumable had plenty of time to develop on their pan-galactic hop to turn up just in the nick-of-time remained largely unexplored in a way that was irritating.

Bringing in characters to then not bother with them has become a somewhat recurring theme in these new brace of Star Warses, and isn’t limited to just Chewie in this film. Rogue One saw the complete waste of Mads Mikkelsen talents as a guy who turns up, sets a few plots half-rolling, and then dies. This film even more insanely wastes the towering talents of Benicio Del Toro, by setting him up to be an interesting enigmatic character who could really take the plot in interesting directions, but instead sells him out as a Lando-lite betrayer, except the script forgot to make us really trust or care about him (unlike Lando in Empire), so the audience don’t really feel his betrayal (unlike Lando in Empire) and ultimately his betrayal doesn’t really result in any major plot changing events (unlike Lando in Empire) so why did we even bother? And also, if we’re bringing back characters why haven’t they bought back Lando? An entire act of Last Jedi took part in a sleazy casino full of unethical millionaire gambling traders: Lando presumably owned and/or was imprisoned in the joint. If this franchise has one eye constantly winking to its past, why didn’t we get him back, perhaps to have a scene with Chewie where we could get some meaningful morning over Han? That way we could’ve avoided having to bring in an underwritten new character, and got some actual leg work out of another bit character.

One character we did get back was Master Yoda, to provide advice to Luke Skywalker. Given the context that Luke was a self-exiled Jedi Master who hates himself and everything he once stood for because he was responsible for the creation of the bad-guy who is now destroying the galaxy, Obi-Wan Kenobi would’ve surely been a more useful character to have turn up, given his extensive experience in the matter, but Alec Guinness died 17 years ago and thankfully they didn’t attempt a rerun of the weird CGI Peter Cushing of Rogue One. Yoda has been one of the most malleable characters in movie history. An Orientalist trope in Empire, an Oracle of doom in Return, and a sort of superhero Hans Moleman in the prequels, he returns in Last Jedi as a combination of all three, to help Luke carry out some casual firey iconoclasm before kicking the mid-life crisis ex-protagonist into action. His frustration at Luke for still not really learning anything that he’s been taught for decades was palpable, and elicited a sympathetic response in me because Luke, and a lot of his plot, are inherently frustrating in this film.

Inherently Frustrating

The script of this whole film fails at every point where Luke Skywalker is concerned. As I’d alluded to above, the basis of Luke’s plot line in this film is that he’s banished himself to a remote location to avoid Jedi-haters and to reflect on his own failing and responsibility in allowing the Dark Side to rise. This would be interesting, were it not also the exact arc that Old Ben Kenobi goes through in A New Hope, a fact the film even plays up to it wheeling out R2-D2 and the “Help Us Obi Wan” video clip, which even Luke points out is a “cheap trick”. The Last Jedi script blows though because Ben Kenobi actually turns out to be useful for both the audience and the protagonist, wheras Luke takes us on a mute hike up a mountain to milk some some Snorks — using pantomime to hide a poorly written script.

Luke’s choice of refuge seems thoroughly baffling. He refers to his hideaway as the “Hardest to Find place in the Galaxy”, but he’s hiding out at the literal centre point of his 10,000 year old religion. That’d be like the Pope going into hiding in the Basillica of the Nativity in Bethlehem: really obvious and a location that’s surely known to a few scholars here and there, especially as it appears to a) have magic rocks and caves and shit that clearly have strategic powers and b) an entire economy of fish-bird-caretaker nuns that doesn’t appear to be self sufficient (they have wooden tools on a completely deforested island). The script’s choice of hiding place for Luke is poorly thought through, the location too important to have been lost, and thus not really a good hiding space at all. But hey, it’s got Porgs, so we can smooth over these cracks in the script with more panto-plaster.

These are trivial complaints about Skywalker’s plot line though, and do not compare to the completely screwed up revelation that Luke kinda forced Han to hand over his only son to Luke to train into a Jedi, which Luke the royally ballsed up, before deciding to murder a defenseless teenager, deciding against it, ballsing that up too, and then setting into motion the creation of Kylo Ren.

Let’s pause here, we’re supposed to be sympathetic and hopeful about a character who tries to kill his nephew and then lies about it to everyone. His best friend dies not knowing that the reason his son hates him is ENTIRELY JUSTIFIABLE. His own sister appears to be unaware of this completely mental revelation. The effect of this completely mad bit of writing is that it renders Kylo Ren the most sympathetic character in the entire film. His offer to Rei after the death of Snoke of “let’s let both sides go to hell and start this galaxy again” is the most sensible idea anyone comes up with in the whole film, and entirely justified considering everything that’s happened to him. By rejecting his offer, Rei come accross as the brainwashed violent fundamentalist, not Kylo.

We don’t really get any resolution to this either. The now inadvertent good guy, Kylo Ren doesn’t get to kill the tyrannical Luke by his own hand, instead Luke inexplicably wafts off in a billowing gas of hot air after serving as a time-wasting distraction in an otherwise interesting battle, his death serving as a perfect metaphor for how his character was written throughout the shonky script. Luke and Kylo will presumably have some beyond-the-grave reconciliation moment in the next film, with the potential for a problematic scene where an abuse victim has to ask for the forgiveness of his abuser.

I could go on and on, and already have. So here’s a quick bullet list of parts where I thought the film succeeded.

  • The battle on the snow covered red-dust planet allowed for some excellent visuals, allowing the film to echo familiar scenes from the Battle of Hoth but putting a novel twist on them that made the battle genuinely exciting.
  • The ultimate emasculation of the alpha male by a team of experienced, thoughtful  and powerful women, despite the alpha male constantly trying to undermine them to the point of literal mutiny was genuinely satisfying. In a rare show of strength of the script that the idea that Vice-Admiral Holdos was a baddie undercover or wildly incompent was kept close to the chest and perhaps the only bit of the film where they mostly managed to reveal the plot using show, not tell. Of course, the script then did derail because not only did they also choose tell to make sure the people at the back of the theatre understood, they then had to send this carefully developed powerful female character on a suicide mission to save the bloody irritating alpha male. But points for trying, and the scene where she became a hyperspace bullet was genuinely cool.
  • The 37 seconds Benicio Del Torro was on screen he utterly ate up. That man could read a phonebook and the result be edited by a 15 year old Media Studies student and it’d still pack more nuance and powerful than films can manage.
  • I wound up buying into the relationship between Fin and Rose way more than I thought I would. The symmetry of her saving him from betraying himself at the beginning and dragging him on a trolley to the brig compared to him saving her from death by storm troopers and dragging her to the Falcon on a trolley at the end was subtle enough to be enjoyable, and her lesson that battles are best fought for the ones you love, not against the ones you hate, was the only clear uplifting message that came from this otherwise insane scattered patchwork of a script that tried to get us to sympathise with a violent abuser hermetic freak. The resolution of this potential Fin-Rei-Rose love triangle is one of only two thing i’m looking forward in the final part of the trilogy (the other one being more shots of Adam Driver topless in leather trousers)

In conclusion, a terrible script with too much winking and panto to be worthy of being a fully fledged star wars film. As bad as the lowest lows of the reviled prequels. I really hope  John Boyega and Kelly Marie Tran’s (and to a lesser extent, Daisy Ridley’s) careers can survive one more assault from this rapidly crumbling franchise.


How does an algorithm tweet a selfie?

A few weeks ago whilst reading a hand-wringing article about how automated content production on YouTube & social media will lead to the inevitable collapse of western civilization, my mind wondered to the idea of social media content algorithms behaving like real social media users. Then the stupid question at the top of this post popped into my head and the stupid answer popped in right afterwards. An algoritm’s selfie would be its source code. I’m a big fan of contextless text robotic tweets, especially @IAM_SHAKESPEARE, and have always wanted to own one of my own. So I filed this in my head under “stupid programming exercise to do when you’ve got nothing on” and got on with my life, which currently involves a lot of redecorating.

Fast-forward to today, where I am in day 2 of what feels like a 2 day cold. I’m too bleary and snotty to concentrate on anything serious like my job, but I’ve also just slept for about 18 hours, so I needed some moderate activity to tire me out in preparation for another long sleep. 2 hours later, I present you with @Recurbot.

Code below, but basically it’s a standard twitter bot that reads itself, chops three random lines out of itself and then tweets them. I chose to make it random, as opposed to sequential, to add a bit of variety to it .


So far I’ve not set this up to be automated yet, it’s just running manually when I execute it on my laptop. I’m going to use this as an excuse to start playing around with to see if I can get it to work there. If I can, i expect i’ll set it up to tweet every 2 hours.

Further work?

By picking three random lines the bot has 27 unique tweets, whereas going through the code sequentially in 3 line chunks would only give 10, a 170% increase in content !! I’m not sure if I should beef up the code by adding in the module that it currently imports:, and is 726 lines long and obviously most of it isn’t really used in the production of the tweets — only randint is called once to get a number between 0 and 27. The more of this paragraph I write, the more convinced I am to just leave it at 30 lines long and let it have some repetition. After all, the bot that tweets Shakespeare is on it’s 4th run through and it doesn’t make it any less amusing when it pops up in my work feed.

Speaking of which, I’m going to finish my off-brand lemsip and go back to bed.

Theatre of 2017

Don’t want to forget all the theatre I’ve seen this year so I’m going to list it all with a brief description/review, in reverse chronological order.

  • Belleville |Donmar|It was good right up to denouement, which was uninspired and disappointing.
  • The Lady In The Sea|Donmar| Booked shortly after seeing Knives in Hens, really enjoyed it. Straightforward plot but in a good way and the staging was great.
  • Knives In Hens | Donmar | Yael Farber | Really good, first time at the Donmar which I really liked too. 90 minutes no interval was refreshing after last two plays. Two incredibly attractive male leads. Kinda weird sex dream scene involving a bag of flower, but like, it worked.
  • Cat on A Hot Tin Roof | Apollo | Sienna Miller and Jack O’ Connell | Like, okaaaay maybe above average but the second half was so damn long. Set design was cool.
  • The Ferryman | Gielgud | Jez Butterworth, Paddy Considine, Sam Mendes | Probably best thing this year. The scene with Auntie Faraway maybe a bit self-indulgently long by 20 minutes but whatever it’s a Greek myth retold as part of The Troubles. I reckon Top Three Things I’ve seen.
  • Woyzeck | Old Vic | John Boyega | Absolutley guttingly, John Boyega (whose name & face took up most of the poster) was ill, so we got the understudy. Who tbh was great. Play was good, plot was a bit straight-forward. Staging with the weird meat walls (seriously) was excellent.
  • Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead | The Old Vic | Daniel Radcliffe | I enjoyed it, I’d never seen Stoppard before. Got the cheap seats at the Old Vic which meant that I had to pretty much imagine what was happening on stage but the tiny sliver of action I saw was great, Daniel Radcliffe was too.
  • Salome | The National | Yael Farber | Didn’t help that I saw this on the hottest day of the heatwave but Fuck me I literally fell asleep, “hey you know what will make this play great? Extensive scenes exclusively in Aramaic” said no one ever.
  • Twelfth Night | The National | Tamsin Grieg | I liked this, but I have fond memories of Twelfth night which stem exclusively to a specific year 9 English lesson with Mrs Birkett where Toby Jackman and I had to act out the “Some Have Greatness Thrust Upon Them” scene where Toby, as Malvolio, overacted so dramatically I cried laughing and we got told off. To be honest, was a very run-of-the mill Shakespeare semi-modernisation which resulted in some weird anachronisms. Tamsin Grieg was excellent though.
  • Hedda Gabler | The National | Ruth Wilson| Really excellent. Most effective use of tomato juice as a prop in living memory.